2010
September
Rebel.
And boom goes my sanity.
Thoughts on Korean/Puerto Rican fusion cuisine.
June
Why I prefer Oreos.
Bye bye, birdie.
Office orientation.
With deepest regret, congratulations.
There’s always room for Gel-O.
It may be time to start wearing more Tees.
May
I guess Iron Man doesn’t always use martini glasses.
April
Like Goldilocks, but with toilets.
Diet and exercise.
February
Curry fresh.
Raw fish is the gift for lovers.
Giving the finger.
January
My neck isn’t stylish.
2009
November
That wasn’t on my wishlist.
October
Apologies to the west coast.
Life and deaf.
August
Love is a two-way street.
February
I can be such a dick (and balls).
Stopping is essential.
Internet transmitted diseases.
January
Love and lactose.
2008
December
A Good Samaritan, but not the best.
An ass over bass.
November
Plus two.
Better than the Tan Torpedo.
Buddy list/buddy lust.
October
Feed a cold.
Twist on the fly.
Another reason to get a new car: the new-car smell.
Less smiling at work.
September
Japanese Aunt Jemima.
Just to make Tina’s bad day worse.
August
It would only be funny if the Count on Sesame Street did it.
Address distress.
To pee or not to pee.
Car-nivore.
July
Sunday the unday.
June
Not gonna write Drew a love song.
May
What awkward sounds like.
Opposites detract.
April
Vocabulate.
Good thing Macs don’t come with polygraph widgets.
March
Devil with a bag of chips.
Insult to injury.
Something to stomp Barbie with.
Brownberry.
Trite, not quite.
January
Flying the REALLY friendly skies.
It might be okay if I was dating Pinocchio.
Coffee breath.
It even rhymes with hate.
2007
December
Laid out over layout.
September
Just call me Professor Heartbreak.
I guess that makes my nose my face’s wang.
August
Hungry for more than turkey.
July
Reasons to take math in college.
June
Ending it all with razor blades, one way or another.
April
Thai food with a side of tawdry.
Too much Target.
I guess I like it gooey too.
112 days later.
2006
December
Who says men can’t multitask?
Old Fart.
September
I can’t think of a curse word that begins with “W”.
A different kind of nosebleed.
Or Star Jones before the gastric bypass thing.
My Visa finally pays off.
Fur worth fighting for.
Ozzyboy.com - now with sideburns.
August
Swimming with the angels.
Convention rejection.
Under destruction.
Hot beyond measure.
July
Of food or friend.
What the mother?
Fatigued and funky.
A chat over Cheetos.
I like my women REALLY exotic.
June
Saturday-night solitaire.
Fantasy failure.
At least it’s not, “You look ugly.”
May
Flirt Loops.
Damn those Pussycat Dolls.
More Andrea than Andrew.
April
Dirty hairy.
The only time I will ever regret not working late.
Dump data.
Path of poo.
Writing is easier when it’s already written.
March
Under pressure.
I spend for the rear-end.
On a cheddar bender.
February
Love Smell.
Love on clearance.
Perhaps it’s one of the Joker’s evil schemes.
January
Cover up.
Heroin by Playskool.
I’d prefer to be remembered for clean boxer-briefs.
2005
December
Lonely lips for 2006.
Santa can be a real bastard sometimes.
I’d rather chat with Fandango.
Elevators are a good idea.
November
Incidentally, I love people who are in hate.
A lesser birthday.
Not a fan of the taste of man.
23+1= I don’t give a damn.
Sorry, non-dude.
To be honest, I can’t manage “hi” at 1mph either.
October
Just think of the papercuts.
Something old to house my privates.
September
At least I know what a dirtbag is.
I’m pretty sure I’m handsomer on Myspace too.
August
Disap-POINT-ed.
Girls make things not suck.
The answer: very gay.
July
Please don’t let this keep you from trying Vitner’s.
I need a new #1
I enjoy the sound of my fiancee’s screams, apparently.
A week of wed.
For fear of fur.
Barbery.
June
In hate of hair.
Gotta love hot animal sex.
Consider this my extra pair.
2004
November
I probably should have bought that nice umbrella I saw at Target.
23-Skidoo.
You have no idea how happy my mom is.
Perpetually off.
Balls, slightly boiled.
October
Things I Hate #1.
Grassbag full of ants.
I hate the smell of ashes in the morning.
While I was away.
September
Who wants to make five bucks?
Twenty three skidoo!
Originally posted on ozzyboyonline.com.
Apparently, running is not a pleasant experience.
Pretend Girlfriends.
August
No joy for geography.
Fragrant fortune.
HA HA on my head.
My weeknights aren’t much better either.
July
This is how I learned the importance of calling ahead.
Letting the boys out.
Why can’t I be more like Pepé Le Pew?
June
It’s not about how they eat nuts, I swear.
May
Without honors.
Ben who?
April
A high five for my 1040.
Slave to my Master Card.
Despair of facial hair.
2002
January
Best bad weather ever.
Hit me baby, at least one time.
Blending busy and lazy doesn’t work.
Just a little bit of action for some satisfaction.
2001
November
Brunching in my birthday-suit.
Andrew doesn’t look good in an afro.
Might as well be unconscious.
February
This is how you know you’re horny.
Laziness declared winner.
2000
November
“Oh Eddy” is worthy of The Backstreet Boys.
October
Getting glasses and gayness.
Sleepless nights to make things that don’t suck.
Censorship ----ing sucks.
Save to spend another day.
It’s not fun waking up to Roseanne.