Monday, January 4, 2010

My neck isn’t stylish.

I’d had my eye on a scarf at Target for quite some time. Whenever I’d walk by the mens’ section during one of my many visits to the store, I’d see it hanging from its hook in the accessories section - striped in silver and white with those little dangly things at the end.

I would have gotten it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, it wasn’t one of those thick winter scarves. It was what I would call, for lacking of a better term, a fashion scarf. A thin piece of fabric you wear around your neck for no real purpose other than to look good - like a modern, trendy version of the necktie.

Too bad I’m not fashionable or gay enough to pull it off.

So I didn’t buy it. I’d never be brave enough to wear it, and it would have just ended up a waste of $14.99. On its hook it remained.

Then one day, the scarf wasn’t on its hook anymore. I figured someone had finally purchased it. I was slightly disappointed, but mostly glad the temptation to buy it was gone.

But I was wrong. It wasn’t sold. It had been moved to the clearance rack. 30% off. Only $10.49. And do I ever love deals.

I had to remind myself that the scarf just wasn’t me, and that even though it was on clearance, I had better things to spend $10.49 on.

A week later they had marked it down to $7.49. Half off.

But still I held strong. I would never be able to pull off the scarf and $7.49 was worth saving.

Then they marked it down to $3.49.

I said “fuck it” and tossed it in my shopping basket.

I picked up a few other items while I was at the store. Some candy. A bottle of soap. A couple of action figures. When I was done shopping, I brought them to checkout and tossed it all on the conveyor belt. The cashier ringed them up and finally came to the scarf. She swiped it over the scanner, looked up at me and said, “I can print out a gift receipt for this scarf if you need one.”

Not even the cashier thought it could be something I’d ever wear. The toys, those she thought someone like me would buy for himself. But the scarf, no way.

I replied, “Um, yeah, a gift receipt would be fine,” took my bags and embarrassedly walked out of the store.

So does anyone out there want a silver and white striped scarf?