Friday, November 25, 2005

Incidentally, I love people who are in hate.

I hate people who are in love, because they’re never in love with me.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

A lesser birthday.

For the sake of numerical correlation, I briefly pondered celebrating my twenty-fourth birthday with a DVD marathon of the show 24, but I have better things to do with my time. Things like getting out of bed at noon and sitting in front of my computer for hours online until managing to get into the shower at 5pm.

The only non-mundane event of the day was when my parents took me out to Wildfire for a celebratory meal. The food was pretty good, but the service could have used a little work. While at our table in the room where we were seated, I looked over to the entryway to see the waiter walking in with a tray of meat high over his head. Unfortunately the pile of ribs was higher than the doorway, and as he entered, the meat smacked the top of the wooden doorframe.

And then he served it to my father.

Dad’s a strict follower of the five-second rule, so he let the incident slide. Personally, if it were my Blue Cheese Fillet that made wall-contact, I would have at least tried to weasel out a free dessert from the manager. But seeing as how the whole meal was on my parents’ tab, getting a brownie for free really wouldn’t have mattered that much.

And besides, there was a free home-made cake waiting for me at the house. You would think it would have been my dad’s famous carrot cake, but since my brother’s birthday and return home is a mere two days away, that specific cake was already on the schedule to be baked for that special event. To keep from having an excessive buildup of carrot cake, my dad opted to bake me something different. While the pumpkin cake was all good and well, I can’t help but think that I had been given a lesser cake.

Here’s hoping that doesn’t mean I’m the lesser son.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Not a fan of the taste of man.

I think someone may have spunked in the Rueben I ate at lunch tody. Personally, I have no idea what semen tastes like, but if I were to eat semen, I imagine it would taste a whole lot like that sandwich.

Next time, I think I’ll just stick with a salad. Sperm is easier to spot when it’s not concealed between two pieces of bread.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

23+1= I don’t give a damn.

I’m turning twenty-four in less than a week. Honestly, I couldn’t care less. Other than having to add one to my current age when filling out legal forms, twenty-four really isn’t much different than twenty-three. In six days, I won’t suddenly get wrinkles. When November 20 arrives, my hair won’t turn gray and fall out. When I turn twenty-four, I won’t develop arthritis and have to invest in one of those nifty walkers.

That’s what twenty-five is for.

In the meantime, if you’d like to help me celebrate the start of my last year of existence numbering less than a quarter of a century, feel free to take a gander at my nifty Amazon.com Wish List. Packages at my doorstep tend to make my day.

Saturday, November 5, 2005

Sorry, non-dude.

I was creating a few new link buttons today, and as I worked on the one for my online friend Nicole, I saw her name pop up on my buddy list. I started up a conversation, and since I was using an image from her site for her button, I thought I’d ask her about it…

Me: by the way, is that you with the scared dude on your page?
Nicole: what?
Me: on your xanga
Nicole: well
Me: with the peace sign in front of you
Nicole: i’m the one on the right
Nicole: and mimi is the one on the left
Nicole: there is no dude to speak of
Me: ha, you’re the scared dude!

So, yeah, I’d like to apologize to Nicole for thinking she was a he. In my defense, the image is quite dark, and her friend is covering up all traces of boob. Regardless of that, I hope she can forgive me. I’d like to say for all to see that I’ve seen plenty of regularly lit images her, and there is no question of her endless femininity. I think she is a beautiful girl and completely undudelike in every way.

Thursday, November 3, 2005

To be honest, I can’t manage “hi” at 1mph either.

I hate it when you’re driving down the highway and the girl in the car next to you is incredibly cute and you have no means of saying “hi” to her because you’re at the wheel of a vehicle that’s moving 75 miles per hour.

So if any of you know a girl who drives a car with the Illinois license plate QTPNY 1, tell her that D12 6027 says “hi.”