Sunday, November 25, 2001

Brunching in my birthday-suit.

I just turned twenty, and to tell you the truth, I had myself a ghetto birthday.

Seriously.

To celebrate the momentous occasion, me and a couple of guys ate out at Denny’s.

I kid you not: Denny’s.

And to add to that, they made me wear a solar vinyl suit that they bought for me at Kmart. If yer wondering what a solar vinyl suit is, it’s basically a thick plastic bag with arms and legs that you wear when you work out that helps you lose water weight. In other words, it dehydrates you till you die.

I looked like a freak, but least the waitress gave me free pie.

When we were walking out of the restaurant, some guy asked me where I bought my outfit. I said, “Kmart, the Greatest Place on Earth.”

I kept on walking and he yelled back at me, “It sucks!”

Well, Duh!!!

We laughed at Comeback Kid all he way home.

Click here to see me in the “Suck Suit.”

Saturday, November 17, 2001

Andrew doesn’t look good in an afro.

I need a damn haircut. The bush is getting way too big. I could be housing a growing family of finches in there for all I know. I wish I could get my hand on a pair of hedge trimmers and just whack off the whole damn bear rug.

How often are you supposed to get yer head trimmed anyways? Once every couple of months? Every two weeks? Take a millimeter off every other day? I need to make myself some sort of schedule. That way I can clip the monster before it gets too big.

I remember way back in like seventh grade when I had hair down to my nose. I was such a fruit. Thank God those days are over.

But I better get my hair cut before I find myself back in the fruitbasket.

Sunday, November 11, 2001

Might as well be unconscious.

You wouldn’t believe how much sleep I’ve been getting lately. Eight, maybe ten hours a night. Most people would say that’s a good thing.

Well, Buddy, it aint.

That just meants that I don’t have anything better to do. And I don’t. It’s either sleep or watch TV, and with this year’s fall lineup, I would much rather get some shuteye.

A half-hour of sleep or a half-hour of Emeril? Which would you pick?

But sleeping is just so damn boring. I bet it would be a whole lot funner with someone else.