Thursday, December 01, 2005

Elevators are a good idea.

My job involves a lot of sitting on my ass. The only times when I’m not sitting on my ass are when I get up to go to the men’s room to sit on my ass some more.

I was doing some paperwork the other day when I realized I needed to get a form up in the HR department. I’ve been pigging out on birthday cake and Thanksgiving turkey for the past two weeks, so I thought I’d get some exercise by forgoing the elevators and giving the stairs a shot.

It didn’t seem like that big of a deal, but I probably should have done the math first. I work on the fifth floor. Human Resources is on the 19th floor. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that that’s a lot of steps. Unfortunately, I’ve never been that bright.

By floor eight, I could feel the burn. By floor fourteen, I could barely breathe. When I finally got to nineteen, I wanted to vomit. And I did. A little in the back of my mouth. Vegetable soup is less appetizing when laced with stomach acid.

I dragged myself to the HR desk, breathing like a pervert, and picked up my form. It was the form to sign up for the company’s health club.

I guess I’m really going to need it.