Tuesday, September 19, 2006

A different kind of nosebleed.

There’s nothing better to wake you up in the morning than the smell of your own blood. You can’t help but get a good whiff of it while accidentally cutting your nose while shaving. That was me a couple of days ago. A few days before that, I nicked my earlobe. The sound of your own blood may not be as waking as the scent, but the pain certainly is enough to keep you from dozing off any time soon.

What’s wrong with my shaving abilities? I’m not even cutting places on my face that my razor should be touching. I guess I just have horrible aim. A drunken blind man sitting on a washing machine would have a safer time shaving than me. If this was the future and we used lasers to shave, I’d have lobbed off my head by now. But then again, with six blades, a Gilette Fusion could probably manage to do that too.

I’m just thankful that I don’t shave my nether regions. Unlike King Missile, I prefer my penis attached.